Grief, sorrow, pain, anger, confusion, and chaos crowd in around me, they crash over my heart, mind and soul.
They are the darkness in the waves that want to keep me under
They surround me, consume me, invite me deeper,
Their claws reach into my mind, attempting to keep me from resurfacing or thinking clearly
I fight my way through the lies, through the heartache, through the anger, and betrayal
Somehow, I find my way to the light,
I plunge out of the depths of despair.
and fill my lungs with air again.
I barely get my footing, my head begins to clear and SUDDENLY another wave comes, from an unexpected place or person.
In these waves of torment lie questions of dark thoughts and doubts:
Did I miss you God?
What does love look like?
How do I make the storm stop?
What’s the future look like? Do I have a future?
Will I survive? Do I want to come up for air or is it too painful to try to breathe again?
What’s the point of fighting?
I sense I am not alone, that many of you reading this have been in such seasons, or are in one now.
I was in pain, angry, unforgiving, bitter. I hated and found comfort in my rage, I felt justified. A friend attempted to talk me ‘out of my pain.’ She did not like to see me in this dark, dangerous place. She asked me to give up something I found comfort in and we fought about it.
“I don’t want to see you get stuck in the pit,” she screamed.
Without missing a beat, I yelled loud enough for the neighbors to hear, “Jesus is bigger than my pit and He won’t let me get stuck but I WANT TO BE IN MY PIT FOR A WHILE.”
The words that rolled out of my mouth that day shocked me, but they gave me hope for a new, brighter, better season yet to come. The words that thundered out of me were an anchor for my soul over the next few years and have remained a place of refuge for me when hard times happen. As unspiritual as it may sound, I wanted to wallow in my pit of self-pity and I wanted others to let me be there. I had a deep sense that God knew and He was ok with the state of my soul. He was BIG ENOUGH to rescue me when I was ready.
That was over 20 years ago and I have grown (or I’d at least like to believe I have). I don’t stay in my pit as long, and most of the time, I don’t need a friend to slap me in the face to get me to acknowledge where I am at.
I have found comfort in women like Naomi, who in Ruth 1:19-21 testifies of her own bitterness. BUT GOD redeems her despite her negative attitude.
I have discovered in Isaiah 54 that God builds a beautiful city from the one who is ‘storm-tossed and not comforted.”
I find comfort in knowing the God who loves to ‘bring beauty from ashes,’ ‘make a roadway in the wilderness,’ and ‘bring water from a rock’.
When those waves of torment come and sweep me out to the abyss of despair, I am stronger. I have tools and resources and a growing knowledge of God that enable me to fight my way back quicker. I have developed habits that keep me from being swept away so easily. I have discovered the anchor of my soul that keeps my ship from sinking.
The Holy Spirit spoke something to me and through me that day that increased my faith in the power of what Jesus has accomplished.
GOD IS ABLE
I am thankful for my friend, who was unwilling to let me stay in my pit. She fought for my heart and was willing to shake things up and bring things to the light.
So when I find myself in the midst of another ‘valley of trouble’ wondering if the Lord will again transform it to a gateway of HOPE, I know my response matters. I know I need the Word of God to guide me, teach me, and equip me. And I know I need others in my life who care enough to say the hard things and to fight for me.
God is building STRONG families that can endure the storms of life. He is raising us up to weather the waves and winds that seek to destroy. He is using US - mothers, women, daughters - to equip others in our sphere of influence. In order to empower others, He is inviting us to be made beautifully strong.
So, “storm-tossed and not comforted” women, don’t lose heart. God is at work. He is building, refining, and restoring. Let’s stay in the course.
How are you weathering the storms of life?
If you find yourself in a torrential storm with no hope or help, please reach out to Misty for a Discovery Call to see how coaching can help. Through her life experience of weathering many storms, she is able to lovingly relate, encourage and help clients discover truth that will become an anchor to the soul.