A Prayer for Loneliness During The Holidays

Recently, while working on a Podcast Series "Flourish In Friendships," I came across a blog post that I had contributed to CrossWalk. This Podcast series discusses the LONELINESS EPIDEMIC, and I found it intriguing that this blog I wrote a number of years ago addressed the same issues. This was written for the holidays, but remove the few references to Christmas, and this post and prayer are relevant for us in any and every season of life.

No man is an island. Yet in the festivities of the holidays, all the ‘Good Cheer’ and Christmas greetings, many of us feel like an isolated, lonely island. We are created for community, to be a part of a family. From the beginning God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.”  Then why is the reality of loneliness reaching epidemic proportions? 

I believe, and scientists agree, that loneliness is something that every human experiences. We are not ‘alone’ in our loneliness. However, like a hunger pain helps us realize our bodies are missing something; loneliness is a clue that we are missing something that is necessary for life, human interaction, a relationship with God, and a relationship with others. From the dawn of creation,n God has had the desire for His children to be a part of a family. His family, and it is His desire to use loneliness to draw us to Him. 

A few years ago, as my youngest was transitioning out of the home, I became aware of intense loneliness. My days would no longer be filled with wondering how he was doing, making sure he got to work on time, or had goals he was pursuing. I would no longer have daily interaction with him to just touch base and see if he had eaten. My full-time role as a mother was suddenly drawing to an end, and I became increasingly aware of a growing abyss in my life and heart. 

I saw a desert before me, barren and dry, and I sensed the Father inviting me to enter in. As I looked to the right and to the left, I thought, I can go back to what is comfortable and do things the way I have always done them. I could allow my relationships with my children to become unhealthy and try to manage their lives. Or I could do something to run to, create a party, or find a new social club to belong to. I thought about becoming more involved in church and wondered what I could offer. I wanted to escape the foreboding expanse of desolation I saw before me. Yet the Lord prompted me to enter into to this wasteland by reminding me a verse He had shown me some 20 years earlier. 

Behold, I will allure you and draw you to the wilderness (or desert), and there I will speak kindly to you. (Hosea 2:14 NASB)

I’m taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date, and I’ll court her. I’ll give her bouquets of roses. I’ll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope. (The Message)  

As this verse came to mind, I realized that this was an invitation from the Lord to enter into the mystery of loneliness (the wilderness), and in that place I would find Him. 

Unfortunately, loneliness is often misunderstood. We perceive it as being something bad, something to avoid at all costs. When we experience the feelings of loneliness, we feel ALONE; our feelings can escalate and may spiral into chronic loneliness and even depression. Therefore, we do all we can to escape and avoid loneliness. 

During my extended season of loneliness, I have found great comfort in knowing that “God places the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:7). In other words, God KNOWS we are going to be lonely. He has made a provision for loneliness called the family; His family. I learned that to allow myself to the pain of loneliness, let it take me by the hand and escort me to God the Father. Sometimes it would mean reaching out to a friend and asking them to come visit, or going to sit in a coffee shop to be around people. Sometimes my escort would lead me to a chair in my empty house to sit before the Lord and discover Him as an oasis in a dry, barren land. 

A further study of the word lonely helped me to understand even more the blessedness of experiencing loneliness and not running from the feeling. In Greek, the word can mean a number of things: solitary, only, beloved. The words lonely and beloved are one and the same. Psalm 68:7 could be read, “God places the Beloved in families.”  

This holiday season, in the midst of all the seasons greetings and Christmas cheer, when you feel the ache of loneliness, remember that you are NOT alone, that there are giants who have experienced what you feel. 

Jesus must have felt lonely many times: 

Now, when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, during the feast, many believed in His name, observing His signs which He was doing.  But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them. (Matthew 2:23-24)

The crowds were enthralled with Him, many believed; yet in the midst of it all, He did not entrust Himself to them; He held back, relying solely on the Father for affirmation and support. 

Paul experienced feeling utterly alone, and he allowed this to usher Him into the presence of the Lord. 

“No one stood by me the first time I defended myself; all deserted me. ... But the Lord stayed with me and gave me strength.” (2 Timothy 4:16-17)

And we have the promise we can stand on, like Paul, of the Lord with us. 

“I will be with you always, to the end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20)

“Do not be afraid. I will save you. I have called you by name—you are mine. When you pass through deep waters, I will be with you; your troubles will not overwhelm you. When you pass through fire, you will not be burned; the hard trials that come will not hurt you. For I am the Lord, your God. … because you are precious to me (beloved) and because I love you and give you honor, do not be afraid—I am with you!” (Isaiah 43: 1-4) 

Our greatest escort out of loneliness is prayer. We can use this tool combined with promises from the Word to comfort us, lead us, light the path for us and discover the greatest treasure of all, Christ. 

A prayer to pray while walking through the desert of loneliness

And the attributes of God to focus on

Father, over and over, you tell me you are the God who is with me. You say you will never abandon or forsake me. Today, I am depending on your Word to be true for my life. I am asking for the knowledge of you for today, choosing not to worry about tomorrow. I am asking for my daily bread from your hand of mercy. Come and give me a drink from your cup of lovingkindness. (1 Corinthians 10:13 The God who provides for me so that I can endure) 

Jesus, you felt the pains of loneliness while here on earth. You were despised and forsaken of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; and like one from whom men hide their face. You were despised. You, the Beloved Son, were struck and crushed by your own Father, for my sake. Help me understand the full impact of this gift you offer me, this companionship in my suffering that you extend to me. Help me know I am not alone and that my God understands the ache of my lonely soul. (Isaiah 53: The God who is acquainted with my suffering) 

When I feel like no one understands, and I begin to slide down the slippery slope of negative self-talk, sinking deeper into the pit of despair, break in and remind me that I am not alone.  Show me that you are there with me. Lift me up in your strong right arm and hold me close. (Isaiah 41:10 The God who upholds me) 

Lord, you are intimately acquainted with all of my ways, and you know the number of hairs on my head. You know my thoughts from afar, and you see me, and you search me. When I am in the dark place, show me the way out, step by step, and grant me the grace to take those small steps to bring me out into the light once again. (Psalm 139: The God who knows me)

Jesus, you came to “To anoint me with gladness instead of sorrow, to wrap me in victory, joy, and praise instead of depression and sadness.  Wrap me, Jesus; anoint me. Here I am waiting and ready for all you have to offer. I want this great exchange for my life, and I give you my sorrow, depression, and sadness so that I can freely receive all you desire to give. (Isaiah 61:3 The God who makes the exchange)

Oh God, forgive me when I have not been compassionate toward those who struggle with loneliness and depression. Forgive me when I have not taken a moment to help someone feel like they belong. In the midst of my despair, help me to show compassion to others. Give me an awareness for those who may be struggling too.

Let me be strong. Take courage. And not be intimidated. Empower me to know that God, my God, is striding ahead of me. You’re right there with me. You won’t let me down; You won’t leave me. (Deuteronomy 31:6 The God who gives me courage)

Lord, even though my father and mother, friends, and family have forsaken me, you have taken me in. Jesus, you have prepared a home for me and you call me your friend, your brother, and child of God. I have a family, a kingdom family. (Psalm 27:10 The God who receives me into His family)

Thank you for the gift of loneliness. Let it escort me into a greater knowledge of who I am as the beloved. Just as my hunger leads me to fill my stomach with food, let the pain of loneliness lead me to fill my soul with the Bread of Life.