My birthday month hasn’t started out so great; I soon discovered I had a bad case of the Birthday Blues. Honestly…I COULDN’T WAIT until April 1st. It is the start of a NEW Quarter. It’s right after Easter this year…which seemed really significant. And it’s the FIRST DAY of my Birthday Month… That’s SUPER SIGNIFICANT.
I've Been Dreaming Of A Magical Month
So, here's the thing: I've been dreaming and planning this birthday for some months now. My husband asked me over 6 months ago what I wanted for my birthday. So, when April 1st finally rolled around, I couldn’t wait to put on my Birthday Crown. But before I even got out of bed, a sadness started to creep over me.
As I crawled out of bed and proceeded with my morning routine, I couldn’t shake this sadness creeping over my soul. I had hoped coffee and the Word of God would shock my system into JOY. But doubt and confusion grew, turning into fear and condemnation.
To make matters worse, I realized how cold it is in Kansas City this week. Oh, did I mention that it is rainy, too? I needed Mr. Sun to brighten my day, and he’s been hiding, peeking out on occasion all week, as if to taunt me and tell me, “Maybe your birthday is not such a big deal after all.”
By the time my husband and I sat down to pray together, I was a mess, and I cried. I lamented. Then, I became angry because IT’S MY BIRTHDAY MONTH…I’m not supposed to feel this way. I’m not supposed to be full of regret, fear, or doubt. I’m supposedly entering into the BEST DECADE of my life.
What is all of this about?
Have you ever experienced the shock of not feeling what you think you should be feeling and then getting frustrated with yourself for not being enough? This is where I found myself.
Throughout the day, the doubt and confusion grew, turning into fear and condemnation.
I began asking myself (and God) questions…
Has anything I have ever done mattered?
Is what I’m trying to accomplish now, with my podcast, 501c3, this business even important?
Who would listen to me?
Why do I write, create content, and put myself out there week after week?
Is it for YOU, God, or is it for me?
What do I have to offer?
Have I missed you, God?
Should I have been working a 9-5 all these years?
Should I have gotten a degree?
Can I Put On A Happy Face?
I want to ignore it, “Put On A Happy Face,” and spread sunshine all over the place.
But HOW?
I know that ignoring these feelings of doubt and insecurity in hopes that they will go away is not healthy or wise. I have to allow myself to feel my feelings. (check out my Feelings Toolkit for help giving language to your feelings)
Coming to grips with your feelings takes practice and courage, but it's one of the best things you can do for yourself. Dr Katherine Hertlein
So, I’m taking my own advice, using one of my many Gratitude Intervention Tools, giving myself permission to feel the feels and find JOY in the midst of the sorrow.
I’m allowing GRATITUDE to be the tool I use to keep me afloat because I do know “this too will pass”.
And this, my dear Marvelous Mom, is how I overcome.
I acknowledge and embrace ALL THE FEELS,
and in the midst, I choose GRATITUDE.
Conclusion
Amidst it all, I practice gratitude.
I can (by the grace of God) be two places at one time. I can acknowledge (YES) the hard, the...things are not as they should be life circumstances, AND be grateful.
Yes, it's been a rocky start to my birthday month.
AND I am so Thankful for the flowers outside my office window that are enduring the cold, for the sound of the furnace kicking on to warm my bones, and for the serenity of a beautiful home filled with the presence of God.
Yes, doubts and fears have clouded my mind.
AND I am Grateful that in each season of doubt, insecurity, and indecision, God has always been faithful and counseled me with wisdom.
Eventually, I will rise. Circumstances may not change, but I am being TRANSFORMED BY THE RENEWING OF MY MIND.
Would you like to GROW IN GRATITUDE WITH ME?
If you'd like to learn to incorporate this amazing gratitude intervention tool into your life, join the Transformed Mom 6-Week Cohort. You’ll discover how powerful the gift of gratitude can be for you and your family.